Reality Check!

So the first couple of weeks of triathalon "training" have been, um, well, interesting.

I still spin on Saturday mornings for 90 minutes. I kick ass in that class. Really I do. 1100 to 1200 calories of ass. That is a whole lotta ass.

I have spent 3 weeks trying out the simply filling technique of Weight Watchers. Lost for 2 weeks, then rebelled completely and spent a weekend worshipping chips and salsa only to gain a half a pound. I have forgiven myself. It is over. Damage done. Now get the f*ck over it.

Here comes the anger. I installed my new trip computer on my bike,but not ridden it. Why? I. Do. Not. Know.

Maybe it is laziness.

Maybe it is part of the rebellion thing that I had going on with Weight Watchers. But it has to stop.

The war is over.

The chips and salsa won.

Move on.

And by move, I do not mean figuratively. I mean get that ass up and MOVE!

And the running. Oh, the running. I started at 2 days a week. But the past 2 weeks, I have only attempted to run twice. Each run was about 1.5 miles, and I had about a 13 minute per mile pace. That is not bad, but I know I have a long way to go before I get comfortable with the idea that I will be running 3 miles.

I keep reading about how experienced runners sign up for their first triathalon and get to the run only to hit a wall or have problems. They are runners. I am not. This just intensifies my fear.

Then I stop, ask myself what the fear is, and realize that even if I am walking, I will eventually cross that finish line and complete my first triathalon.

That is my only goal right now.

Finish the race.

But all tri talk aside, I celebrated a big victory last week and I would like to share it. As of last week, I have lost 25 pounds. Even with my. 5 pound gain this week, I am still holding on to that accomplishment.

This goal means I am about halfway through my journey, and my drivers license is only a lie by about 25 or so pounds. When my drivers license is not really a lie anymore, well, I guess I will be a happy, healthy lady.

For now, I am happier and healthier than I have felt in a long while. I stop and shake myself when I realize that running a mile or more was not even a possibiltity for me last June. Spin class terrified me last June. I was a mess last June.

Who knows what July will bring?

Control freak...

Here is a fact, I am a control freak. Totally. I need to plan everything. I have to be in control. If I want something, I plan out the necessary steps I need to take, I complete the steps, and I get what I want. It is easy to me, perhaps because I have practiced it my whole life.

When I was a child, I did not have rules. It sounds odd, but I did not really need rules because I was pretty strict on myself. Oh sure, there was the occassional "Do not run in the street" but it was followed by "unless you want to get run over by a car." That was all I needed to know. I studied fairly well, I loved all things or places educational, and I was fairly well behaved in public.

But there is always one thing I never controlled, food. Early on, it did not matter. I was not skinny, but I was active enough to be a sufficiently chubby but cute kid/teenager. After I stopped exercising, well the eating became my clearly obvious weakness.

I never had control when it came to food. I ate to celebrate. I ate to mourn. I ate when I was bored. I ate when I was nervous. I ate. I ate. I ate.

So when I joined Weight Watchers in 2011, I exercised control...for a while. I would be really good for days or even weeks, then I would lose control. Instead of eating a small portion of something I wanted, I waited until my desire grew so much that I would pratically overdose on it. I was a mess. I was not in control.

So what changed?

I surrendered control. I gave up trying to force my body into submission. I stopped kicking my own ass.

Now I spend more time doing what I want to do, and less time doing what I think I should do. I forgive myself for the bad things (buffalo wings) and I congratulate myself for the good things (spin classes).

I surround myself with the right things and people, but I am not one to shy away from guzzling down a beer or eating dinner out with my girlfriends. I will never be the girl who eats nothing but chicken and salads. Never.

But I eat chicken and salads. And pizza. And bread. And wine.

So here is the deal, since I gave up being so hard on myself I have made my weight loss journey easier.

That being said, I know I would lose weight faster if I gave up cocktails and fatty foods, but no one wants to see the bitch I would be if I did that.

holy crap, i've lost my mind

Do you know about Fit Bottomed Girls?  Well consider yourself enlightened. I follow these ladies on their blog and on twitter and I am always amazed about the span of topics they cover! Food and recipes. Workouts and goals. Challenges mentally and physically. They cover it all.

A few weeks back, I saw a post they had shared about a giveaway they were doing. I love giveaways, and although I enter them all the time for free stuff on blogs, I have never won a single one. I have tried for blenders, books, juicers, cookbooks, free trips, and cameras. Alas, I was not ever chosen. Until a few weeks ago.

I entered for a chance to win the entrance fee into the Danskin triathalon of my choice. It seemed like a good idea at the time. I typed in all my info and hit the button. I never win this stuff, so I was safe. Later that day, I stopped off to see my best friend and mentioned I had briefly contemplated doing a triathalon, but since I was not at my goal weight yet, I was not going to do it. She gave me a puzzled look, then we went on to babble about how much quicker we could lose weight if wine were not so damn tasty. Yes, folks. This is our deep, enriching conversation topic.

Well a few days later I found out I had one the giveaway. I had 24 hours to respond or they would give it to someone else. I ran through every excuse I possibly could. I am still 25 pounds away from goal. I hate running. I have not swam competitively in years. I really only spin, and I only take my bike out once a week or so. It was decided, I would skip the tri. I sent my best friend a joking message about how I had won the giveaway. Her response? "It is a sign."

She is not the type of person to say things like that so when I pressed her and started throwing my excuses at her, she shocked me with her clarity. "Think of it this way," she said, "they just gave you free motivation for the next 4 months."

Hello, epiphany!

So here is my official announcement. I am training for something I never imagined or strived to complete, a sprint triathalon. It is a. 5 mile swim, a 12 mile bike ride, and a 3 mile run. My goal is not to finish fast, but to simply finish. The event is sponsored by Danskin and will take place on October 7th in Palm Springs.

Thoughts and feelings are pouring like water through me, and I will try my best to share them as I train, but for now I will say this:

I am scared in a healthy amount, excited in an intoxicating amount, and overwhelmed by the words and actions of the people that I have told already. It is already proving to be a life changing event for me, and I am looking forward to the challenges as well as the success I  can see lying ahead of me.

And as a sneak peak, I will tell you now that the amazingly talented and gorgeous friend I mentioned was motivating me has also decided to join me in training and completing the triathalon. I am overjoyed!

We will let you know how it goes!