Control freak...

Here is a fact, I am a control freak. Totally. I need to plan everything. I have to be in control. If I want something, I plan out the necessary steps I need to take, I complete the steps, and I get what I want. It is easy to me, perhaps because I have practiced it my whole life.

When I was a child, I did not have rules. It sounds odd, but I did not really need rules because I was pretty strict on myself. Oh sure, there was the occassional "Do not run in the street" but it was followed by "unless you want to get run over by a car." That was all I needed to know. I studied fairly well, I loved all things or places educational, and I was fairly well behaved in public.

But there is always one thing I never controlled, food. Early on, it did not matter. I was not skinny, but I was active enough to be a sufficiently chubby but cute kid/teenager. After I stopped exercising, well the eating became my clearly obvious weakness.

I never had control when it came to food. I ate to celebrate. I ate to mourn. I ate when I was bored. I ate when I was nervous. I ate. I ate. I ate.

So when I joined Weight Watchers in 2011, I exercised control...for a while. I would be really good for days or even weeks, then I would lose control. Instead of eating a small portion of something I wanted, I waited until my desire grew so much that I would pratically overdose on it. I was a mess. I was not in control.

So what changed?

I surrendered control. I gave up trying to force my body into submission. I stopped kicking my own ass.

Now I spend more time doing what I want to do, and less time doing what I think I should do. I forgive myself for the bad things (buffalo wings) and I congratulate myself for the good things (spin classes).

I surround myself with the right things and people, but I am not one to shy away from guzzling down a beer or eating dinner out with my girlfriends. I will never be the girl who eats nothing but chicken and salads. Never.

But I eat chicken and salads. And pizza. And bread. And wine.

So here is the deal, since I gave up being so hard on myself I have made my weight loss journey easier.

That being said, I know I would lose weight faster if I gave up cocktails and fatty foods, but no one wants to see the bitch I would be if I did that.