well hello again!

Two months.  8 weeks.  56 days.  

That's how long it's been since I felt like blogging.  

That's how long it's been since I let myself slide off track.  

That's how long it's taken me to gain 4.8 pounds.  

That's how long it's been since I think I gave a damn.  

Well I'm giving a damn again.  

Not because of the new year's resolutions, because those things are junk and I know it.  

Not because the holidays are over, although I did manage to give myself free reign and it got ugly.  

Not because of anything anyone else said to me.  

I'm giving a damn again because I need to.  

I need to because I miss the way it felt to be getting in better shape.  

I need to because I miss the way people smiled at me when they hadn't seen me for a few months.  

I need to because I miss the way that old clothes became new again.  

I need to because I have invested quite a bit of money in a new bicycle, loads of new workout clothing, and some home exercise gear throughout 2012 and I cannot let that go to waste.  

I need to because I don't feel right without taking care of myself.  

I need to because I need to be in control of something, even if some days I can only control the amount of water I drink or that I ate fruit with every bite of a guilt laden snack option.  

I cannot wait for January 1st to come back and begin taking care of myself.  I especially cannot wait until my meetings resume on January 8th to start acting like a Weight Watcher again.  I cannot delay signing up for my beloved spin classes until after the supposed "New Year's Resolution" rush dies down.  

So I've made a few small changes, but I hope they have a large impact.  Here's where I'm starting:

1.  I logged in to the Weight Watchers main site and I changed my weigh in day to Friday.  

This was completely personal, and I'm not saying everyone has to do it.  I only did it because for the past 14 months I've had my weigh in day on Tuesday which means that I would fall into the following bad habit: I would track on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday but on Friday and Saturday I would consume so much junk that I'd give up tracking on Sunday and Monday and just tell myself I'd start over on the following Tuesday.  This did not work well.  Let me rephrase that, this did not work at all.  

2.  I updated my Weight Watchers application on my phone.  

If you haven't done this yet, go do it.  Don't pass go, don't collect two hundred dollars.  Go update your app.  Now.  There are so many more features now on the program and I want to take advantage of every single one of them.  I want you to take advantage of it too!  The points program hasn't changed and neither have the good health guidelines, but the good people of WW have added a ton of new mental diversions and though process changing tools that I am really optimistic about.  I want to see if they work, because I know the points plus already does and anything on top of that is simply a bonus!  

3.  I logged on to my favorite spin studio's website and I signed up for 5 classes in the next three weeks.  

Back to the good old days.  I was cycling outdoors quite a bit over the summer and into the fall, but when the clocks changed and the weather got cooler I found excuse after excuse not to exercise outdoors anymore.  I've removed my excuse for the next three weeks because my beloved Pedal Spin studio is climate controlled and the rain doesn't change the ride at all.  After I signed up for the classes, I put them all on my calendar so I wouldn't have an excuse to forget...again.  

4.  I made sure that all of my exercise clothes are ready to go at a moment's notice in an easily accessible drawer.  

It sounds stupid, but because I'm putting my house back together after an unexpected and lengthy remodel (which I'll explain later, with pictures!) I had clothes all over my bedroom and in piles of disarray.  Just getting all of the necessary items in one place is going to help me, even just a teeny tiny bit.  Another small part of this equation is going to be getting the residual junk food out of my house, but I'm not going to try to tackle that all at once.  I find that getting rid of all the junk food makes me feel deprived, then I just rebel and eat like crap anyway.  It defeats the purpose.  

5.  Last, but not least, I'm back to my good old grocery shopping list.  

For a long time I had a routine of what foods I would buy and the good thing was that I got really comfortable with knowing the points plus values of my usual goodies.  The last couple of months have been a disaster of me grabbing whatever I could find at my local Target and eating junk food and fast food like it was the end of the world.  By adding my old grocery list to the knowledge that my beloved Trader Joe's has partnered with Weight Watchers to add over 1,000 of their food items into the Weight Watchers points plus database and I feel like I'm setting myself up for some baby steps back to success.  

So there you go, I'm going to coming around again.  I appreciate the "are you alive" emails, text messages, and tweets.  In fact, if you're not connected to me online somehow then I really hope you'll take a second to do so.  The easiest way is on Twitter, since I try to keep the health related stuff there.  I'm not shy though, feel free to get in touch with me in other ways such as Facebook.  I can always use another friendly person that is willing to share some accountability and support, and I hope I can provide the same to all you lovely people as well!  

tri update: a multitude of emotions

I think a picture is worth a thousand words, so I've compiled some photos to explain what was going through my mind during the triathalon.  The biggest chunks are (of course) missing because I didn't take a camera with me as I travelled, I only have the photos of my dad and other friends and family members to rely on.  But the location was gorgeous and I really wish I had a camera with me to show you some of the parts only viewed by those of us on the course. 

I didn't see this sign until after I had finished the course, but this is the body of water that we swam in.  Lake Cahuilla.  No swimming.  Except for the cool, spandex-wearing, bicycle-riding kids like us.  I feel special.  

Pre-swim.  Orange cap.  Unflattering clothing.  Big freaking smile on my face.  I was a doofus.  A pretty nervous doofus.  

By the way, the people behind me aren't strangers, they're my best friend and her husband.  My dad likes candid and awkward shots, what can I say?  

In the water (note the attractive "swim angel" in front of us) ready to begin and I believe this part of our conversation went something like this:

Me: "Well, we've done some pretty crazy shit together, haven't we?"

Amanda: "Yah, but I think this is by far the craziest."  

Me: "Definitely."

Transition #1.  All I was thinking was (1) how do I get this lake water out of my nose and mouth while my family is watching me and (2) I SURVIVED THE SWIM!!!

This may look like I'm smiling, but I think it's an optical illusion.  I was pretty nervous to get started on the bike ride.  This is where my fears started to kick in.  

What if I get a flat tire?  

What if I fall of my bike?  

What if I don't finish?

Fast forward to the part that I finish the 14 mile bike ride.  Here I was coming back into the park area.  

At this point, it was a down hill slope and I was so grateful for that.  You basically get to coast all the way into the bike area once you climb the hill back into the parking area.  

Run.  

What was I thinking here?  Hell.  That's what.  

It was unbelievably hot at this point.  Hot like hell.  My first mile was in an area like what you see above, then it became a flat run around the lake for another mile with no shade.  Not a single inch.  Sun blazing.  Tired.  Probably the worst run I've ever had.  

My best friend finished ahead of me by about 20 minutes.  When she saw me round the corner, I thought she was walking to her car or coming over to wave at me.  

Instead she ran with me all the way up to the finish line entrance.  Yah.  It was awesome.  I have great friends.  

Here I go...

"Am I there yet?"

Obligatory action shot...

Here's the lovely aftermath: Me shoving a banana in my mouth while explaining to my boyfriend how hot it was on the run.  

Right to left: Amanda's brother, my lovely aunt hugging me (excuse my mouth full of food and sweaty clothes), and my boyfriend contemplating all of life's deepest mysteries.  

Just kidding, I think he was hungry.  Or hot.  Or both, which means he's unhappy.  

Yay!  

My mommy got teary eyed, so I had to go give her a peck on the cheek.  

We're odd like that.  

So there you have it, my belated and picture filled wrap up!  



i'm talkin' to myself over here

A few weeks back, the meeting topic was positive self talk  I think my leader, Scott, had it right when he said "I am never going to look down at the scale, see that I've gained weight, and tell myself that it's a good thing."  

Boy, ain't that the truth.  

So the meeting started to shift it's direction at that point, and it went from a bit of a tense subject (what I really think when the scale goes up) to a great big happy celebration.  

One member had gained weight that week, but she didn't care because she had one hell of a non scale victory: Early in the week, she had gone to see her doctor and had an amazing report.  No more high blood pressure.  No more high cholesterol.  No more medications.  

Now, I'm not an emotional person like my mother, however I definitely got teary eyed at this accomplishment.  

Then the conversation shifted even more with the question, "What do you tell yourself when you aren't happy with the scale, the way you feel, your appearance, etc?"  The truth is, I start to slip and slide at that moment and I eat anything and everything in my path.  I don't have a sweet tooth, but I start cruising for cookies and candy.  I may have just eaten lunch, but I want something more.  

Then I spiral out of control and wake up the next morning with a stomach ache and one heck of a guilt cloud over my head.  

But one of our members said something absolutely brilliant (and so logical that I'm embarrassed I've never thought of it myself!).  She said that if a friend had come to us and was at a really bad place with their weight loss journey, we would encourage that friend and tell her to stick with it while keeping up the hard work.  One bad day, one bad week, or even one bad month is trivial because this is going to be a long process, and in the grand scheme of things, a few mistakes won't kill us.  She also pointed out that none of us would ever look our upset friend in the eye and simply say, "Well, that's it.  Throw in the towel.  You're never going to be able to do this."  

Lightbulb.  

I would never tell my friend to give up on herself, so why do I let myself do the same thing?  

Why do I have one bad meal and let it slide into a horrific day of binge eating and skip tracking?  

Why do I have two bad days and quit tracking for the rest of the week?  

Why do feel absolutely horrible for having to miss a work out?  

Why do I skip tracking something bad that I ate when I'm the only one that ever sees my tracker?  

Why does it seem like I don't love myself enough to be honest with myself and admit my mistakes?  

As you see, the list could go on and on.  I'll stop there.  But I'll leave you with this photo that proves that some weeks, the number on the scale doesn't mean much.  

what motivates you?

A friend of mine told me a few days ago that this song motivates her:

Okay, that's all fine and dandy for motivational music I suppose.  However, I'm more the type that needs my music to kick me in the butt every once in a while.  When I need a little motivational music, I turn to some pretty wacky things:  

I am a sucker for a catchy guitar riff, a sassy rap verse, and an ass kicking chorus!  

Do you look for quotes or witty posters?  

Or how about celebrity bodies?  

I know, you're more of the "I did it!" version of a celebrity fan, right?  

Well, I find it in the strangest of places and in my every day life.  

I am a compliment whore, a fisher of good words if you will.  I love to hear people notice my weight loss, or my new hair cut.  I love to hear them say quietly (as if I'm hiding it), "You've lost weight, haven't you?"  To which I usually reply, "Yup, and I'm still losing more!"  and I thank them and walk away.  

Don't get me wrong, I need a lot of motivation along the way.  A. LOT.  

So I look to a couple of down to earth ladies for it:  

Ms. Suzi Storm

Ms. Sheryl Yvette

and Ms. Krystle "Skinny Jeans"

Don't pout, I also draw motivation from those close to me.  I've mentioned before that my mom goes to meetings with me.  She motivates me a lot to keep attending Weight Watchers meetings and not to give up on tracking or trying new recipes.  We cook for each other and swap the recipes.  I'll try out recipes on Mike and share them with her for my dad and vice versa.  We're a team.  A chubby team.  

I also keep this picture on my wall in my house.  

I was a bit of a baby at the time, I think I was just about to turn 21.  My best friend and I were at a casino night fundraiser and we were total babes if you ask me.  Fit, fun, and fabulous.  

Now she's still pretty fit, fun, and fabulous.  I, on the other hand, well I'm just pretty fun and fabulous some of the time.  But I'm sure working on the fit part!  

Oh, by the way that Banana Republic black dress is still in my closet.  It's a huge non scale goal of mine to fit into it one of these days!  That is a blog post for another day!  

did you really miss it?

So often when I'm out at a restaurant or maybe at a friend's house for a party, I am faced with food obstacles.  This would be things like beautiful cupcakes, delicious cookies, spinach dip with bread slices, and cheese filled dips and chips.  

We all battle with this, right?  

Good, I thought so.  

In the past, I might start off with a little of each to satisfy my taste buds.  After that, I would say to myself "Well you've already blown it, go ahead."  So I'd go back and fill up a plate and really  blow it.  

Eventually I learned a saying, "The first bite is often as good as the last."  This enabled me to slow down a little bit, not eat as much, and not try to finish off the bowl of french onion dip in front of me.  

Now I ask myself, "Are you really going to miss this?"  

That's right, if I were to avoid eating something would I (a) go home and get on with my life or (b) go home and be sad that I didn't try that cheesecake with the blueberries on it while dreaming of the buffalo chicken dip?  

I usually answer (a). 

Every once in a while, I decide that the food in front of me is so unique that I should try it and I answer (b).  

Perhaps it is something I've never had before.  Maybe it is something from my childhood that I don't know how to cook or don't know where to buy.  Likely, it is an old favorite from my eat anything days.  Even then, I shouldn't be eating.  

So the next time you're faced with this struggle, ask yourself if you're really going to miss the item of food in front of you.  If you can walk away from it for a few minutes, and forget about it, then you should probably just pass.  But remember, Weight Watchers isn't about deprivation, it's about moderation.  Allow yourself a treat every once in a while.  

setting the right goals

So many times in my life I have set an unattainable goal.  Every time I did this, the goal evaporated and I was left a little bit broken.  On plan, you're not enticed to do this.  Instead you're encouraged to look at short term goals and celebrate each and every victory.  

I don't know about you, but I love celebrating!  

Then I stumbled on this quote from Zig Ziglar:

A goal set properly is halfway reached.  

Okay, I get it now.   Setting one single goal of losing 50 pounds isn't really a bright idea.  Setting five small goals of losing 10 pounds is probably better!

I went looking for examples of success, and I found this from Bitchcakes, also known as Sheryl Yvette, a Weight Watchers leader, lifetime member, and commercial star!

For more information about her awards, please read about it here.  

Then there are goals that have nothing to do with the scale like clothing size goals, activity goals, and personal growth goals.  I really like these!  

For example, the other day I walked into a store and I bought something pretty spectacular.  

I bought new jeans.  

They were a smaller size than the last pair I had bought.  

They were not plus size.  

They were skinny jeans!  

The only skinny item I've purchased before this was a latte, so I was pretty impressed.  

That, my friends, is a pretty awesome goal that I can check off my list.