looking backwards, moving forwards

I feel like people are always telling me not to dwell on the past or that I need to move on & move up. Yaddah yaddah yaddah...

Sometimes, I think they're full of it. If you don't examine your past actions or behaviors then I truly believe you are doomed to repeat all of your previous failures. I know that this is true of my life, so I want to take a moment to reflect.

In July I hit my 25 pound goal, and it felt great. Not long after that I threw my Weight Watchers tracking out the window because I had something new to focus on: a sprint triathalon. I can honestly say this was one of those wacky things in life that I'll never forget. Training, traveling, triathaloning...it was epic. Yes, I said epic. I had so much fun & support from friends far & wide that it was spectacular.

Now here comes the reflection: I spent three months training for the triathalon & ignoring what I was eating. After that event, I spent the last 3 months in the middle of a home renovation from hell & ignoring my eating & my training. I slacked off. Luckily, I have less than 5 pounds of slacking to account for. I realize it could have been a whole lot worse, but I feel as if the last 6 months were a waste of my time.

Now I've mentioned that I'm not one for New Year's resolutions, so I've started this little journey back to healthy a bit early. I realize though, as I sit on my couch eating the Pioneer Woman's Mac & cheese, that as the last 6 months haven't been successful, they haven't been a total loss. I've learned a few things about myself & I believe I have some people to thank:

1. Weight Watchers has truly given me the tools to continue being healthy, even when I'm not 100% focused.

Truly, I don't keep all the bad stuff in my home anymore thanks to what I've learned and that (if nothing else) saved me from completely losing my marbles.  

2. Eating out is not convenient, healthy, or efficient. 

Having my home in pieces for 3 months showed me that when I'm cooking at home I'm able to multi task & cook several things at once, do laundry, & meal plan for the week ahead of me. 

3. Exercise is not a luxury, it is a necessity in my life. 

I used to think that finding that time was a bonus or a treat, now I see how poorly I feel without it. I'm irritable, tense, & lethargic without some sort of outlet. I cannot live that way for long. The last three months appear to have only reinforced that in my mind. 

4. Loved ones that know you're on a journey towards a healthier lifestyle are priceless. Priceless. Priceless. 

I had to say that word multiple times because it is just so true. Twitter family, they're there when I'm stumped, lost, or feeling alone. Tangible family is there at family gatherings to give me the much needed "are you sure you want to eat that?" look. Friends that may as well be called family are always around to split appetizers at restaurants or join me for running, cycling, & spin classes when I need their support. Not a day goes by when one of you lovely people blessed my life & don't think I didn't notice it!

So there you have it. I'm sure I've learned more than what I just told you while I've been reflecting, but those were the big things. May you have a blessed new year & I hope you have plenty of amazing reflections during this time as well!

well hello again!

Two months.  8 weeks.  56 days.  

That's how long it's been since I felt like blogging.  

That's how long it's been since I let myself slide off track.  

That's how long it's taken me to gain 4.8 pounds.  

That's how long it's been since I think I gave a damn.  

Well I'm giving a damn again.  

Not because of the new year's resolutions, because those things are junk and I know it.  

Not because the holidays are over, although I did manage to give myself free reign and it got ugly.  

Not because of anything anyone else said to me.  

I'm giving a damn again because I need to.  

I need to because I miss the way it felt to be getting in better shape.  

I need to because I miss the way people smiled at me when they hadn't seen me for a few months.  

I need to because I miss the way that old clothes became new again.  

I need to because I have invested quite a bit of money in a new bicycle, loads of new workout clothing, and some home exercise gear throughout 2012 and I cannot let that go to waste.  

I need to because I don't feel right without taking care of myself.  

I need to because I need to be in control of something, even if some days I can only control the amount of water I drink or that I ate fruit with every bite of a guilt laden snack option.  

I cannot wait for January 1st to come back and begin taking care of myself.  I especially cannot wait until my meetings resume on January 8th to start acting like a Weight Watcher again.  I cannot delay signing up for my beloved spin classes until after the supposed "New Year's Resolution" rush dies down.  

So I've made a few small changes, but I hope they have a large impact.  Here's where I'm starting:

1.  I logged in to the Weight Watchers main site and I changed my weigh in day to Friday.  

This was completely personal, and I'm not saying everyone has to do it.  I only did it because for the past 14 months I've had my weigh in day on Tuesday which means that I would fall into the following bad habit: I would track on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday but on Friday and Saturday I would consume so much junk that I'd give up tracking on Sunday and Monday and just tell myself I'd start over on the following Tuesday.  This did not work well.  Let me rephrase that, this did not work at all.  

2.  I updated my Weight Watchers application on my phone.  

If you haven't done this yet, go do it.  Don't pass go, don't collect two hundred dollars.  Go update your app.  Now.  There are so many more features now on the program and I want to take advantage of every single one of them.  I want you to take advantage of it too!  The points program hasn't changed and neither have the good health guidelines, but the good people of WW have added a ton of new mental diversions and though process changing tools that I am really optimistic about.  I want to see if they work, because I know the points plus already does and anything on top of that is simply a bonus!  

3.  I logged on to my favorite spin studio's website and I signed up for 5 classes in the next three weeks.  

Back to the good old days.  I was cycling outdoors quite a bit over the summer and into the fall, but when the clocks changed and the weather got cooler I found excuse after excuse not to exercise outdoors anymore.  I've removed my excuse for the next three weeks because my beloved Pedal Spin studio is climate controlled and the rain doesn't change the ride at all.  After I signed up for the classes, I put them all on my calendar so I wouldn't have an excuse to forget...again.  

4.  I made sure that all of my exercise clothes are ready to go at a moment's notice in an easily accessible drawer.  

It sounds stupid, but because I'm putting my house back together after an unexpected and lengthy remodel (which I'll explain later, with pictures!) I had clothes all over my bedroom and in piles of disarray.  Just getting all of the necessary items in one place is going to help me, even just a teeny tiny bit.  Another small part of this equation is going to be getting the residual junk food out of my house, but I'm not going to try to tackle that all at once.  I find that getting rid of all the junk food makes me feel deprived, then I just rebel and eat like crap anyway.  It defeats the purpose.  

5.  Last, but not least, I'm back to my good old grocery shopping list.  

For a long time I had a routine of what foods I would buy and the good thing was that I got really comfortable with knowing the points plus values of my usual goodies.  The last couple of months have been a disaster of me grabbing whatever I could find at my local Target and eating junk food and fast food like it was the end of the world.  By adding my old grocery list to the knowledge that my beloved Trader Joe's has partnered with Weight Watchers to add over 1,000 of their food items into the Weight Watchers points plus database and I feel like I'm setting myself up for some baby steps back to success.  

So there you go, I'm going to coming around again.  I appreciate the "are you alive" emails, text messages, and tweets.  In fact, if you're not connected to me online somehow then I really hope you'll take a second to do so.  The easiest way is on Twitter, since I try to keep the health related stuff there.  I'm not shy though, feel free to get in touch with me in other ways such as Facebook.  I can always use another friendly person that is willing to share some accountability and support, and I hope I can provide the same to all you lovely people as well!  

tri update: reflections

As this blog goes up, I'll probably be lining up for my first race event in my life: an all female sprint triathalon.  

You read that right.  I've never raced in my life.  In fact, I've never even run a 5K.  At least, I haven't until today.  

Today, everything I've thought about myself for my 28 years on this earth is going to shift a little.  Today, every negative word I've spat at myself is going to fade away a little.  Today, my own two legs are going to take me further than I've ever gone before.  They're going to take me approximately 17.4 miles through a series of events, culminating in one single thing that I said I'd never do: running.  

Let's back track, I've been active before, but never like this.  Distance wasn't my thing.  I used to ice skate a few days a week as a kid, I took tons of swimming lessons, I'd follow my dad around on my pink bike with the white basket on the front, and eventually I'd be a cheerleader and take gymnastics classes.  But never have I ever done anything like what I'm about to do.  

I am sure I'll come home and post pictures and tell you all about what it was like, but right now let me tell you about what it means in my head that I'm about to do this.  

It means my scale can take a long walk off a short bridge for a while.  I feel good and I haven't really let the number on that screen get me down in a while.  

It means my size 12's are loose and my size 10's fit right and aren't snug anymore.  It means a medium shirt in most brands will fit me, and I have gotten rid of a number of large and extra large items in my drawers and closets and the only size that has stayed the same has been my shoe size.  

It means that I'm in the home stretch.  I'm about 20 pounds away from that magic number in my head and while I am not worried about getting there or how long it's going to take me, I've got some new tools to help me along the way.  

It means I want to do this again.  True, nothing will be as cool and crazy as this first time, but I've already lined up another event in my mind and I'm anxious to keep training for it even though I've yet to complete this first one.  That sounds absolutely flippin' nuts, but it's the God's honest truth.  

So sit back, enjoy your day, because you know I'm going to be enjoying the heck out of mine.  

"Catch you on the flip side."

-Rocco

Thank you to Fit Bottomed Girls for sending me on this journey with your giveaway.  Thanks to Laura, Mae,  Alejandra, Lisa, Dawn, Kelly, Marisol, Andrea, Dacia and the rest of my twitter family for sending me (in 140 characters or less) all of your support.  Thanks to my friends and family for thinking I'm nuts, loving it, and cheering me on and supporting me as I do this.  But really, really, really thank you to my friend and coach Amanda for smacking some sense into me when I said I wasn't going to do this and she wouldn't let me quit before I'd even started.  Then she wouldn't let me quite after I'd started.  And I'm going to guarantee she won't let me quit ever in life and I love her for it.  

want versus need

I am facing a major struggle lately.  I was ounces away from getting my fourth 5 pound sticker, then my birthday happened.  The week before my birthday was great, the week after my birthday I was the same weight, and the second week after my birthday I was battling TOM and a whole lot of snacking and up 1.2 pounds.  

If you're on the outside looking in, you might be saying "Gee, 1.2 pounds isn't a lot, get over it" and you're probably right.  But the point is that I need to nip it in the butt.  I need to stop the needless carbohydrate consumption and start getting more serious about the way that I'm training.  I need to ask myself one simple question: Is what I'm about to do something that I want or is it something that I need?  

It's a simple question, right?

But I'm so horrible about answering it.  

Most nights I'd rather stop at Target on my way home from work than the grocery store or the gym.

  

Most nights I'd rather pick up two pizzas than cook a healthy dinner.

Most nights I'd rather curl up with a good book than go to spin or take Maddie for a walk.  

But we all know that I don't need anything from Target, pizza, or to sit my chubby but on the couch.  I only want those things.  

What I need is to make more consistent and healthier choices.  It's not as hard as it sounds.  I don't need to make some stupid statement like "I'm going to go to the gym every single day."  I'd love to pretend I'm that girl, but I'm not that girl.  All I need to say is "I'm going to make healthier choices."

I'll choose an apple over a candy bar more often.  I'll choose one gym trip over nothing sometimes.  I'll make a healthy dinner more often instead of looking for the easiest take out solution.  

Fear not friends, I may have had a mediocre couple of weeks and I'm feeling super bloated, cranky, and irritated but I'm stepping right back on plan.  

My head is screaming "I WANT THAT LEFTOVER PIZZA!" but my body is telling me softly "I need some yogurt and berries."  Funny what we choose to listen to, isn't it?

Note, if you like the illustrations you should head over to Erin Hanson's website.

i don't f*cking wanna

I have a confession: I'm stuck in "I don't wanna" mode.  

I don't wanna workout.  

I don't wanna eat another apple.  

I don't wanna drink water instead of diet soda.  

Then I wonder why I can't hit that gall darned next goal!  

I can't hit the goal because Pretzel M&M's are quite tasty.  

I can't hit the goal because sleeping in is more fun than workout dvd's.  

I can't hit the goal because beer is delicious.  

I can't hit the goal because I don't wanna try.  

-

And so, I'm going to have a little pep talk with myself.  I'm going to ask myself why I am stopping myself and why I care more about snacks than I do my own personal well being.  

I am at that point in my journey where pants are starting to get more and more loose and old clothes are starting to fit again, but I simply cannot stop bringing myself down.  

I'm going to re-focus, re-center, start a new week with a weigh in and I'm going to forgive myself for whatever that number is and I'm going to move the EFF on!  Get over it!  Get over yourself!  Get over your love of junk and get back to the lovely and healthy foods that you know you love!  Skip the beer and wine for a while because they are a mutha fuggin treat, not a right!  

Start listening to your support group and stop listening to your cravings.  

Start asking for help instead of asking for a second serving.  

Find a darn anchor because you weight as much as one!  That's right, I don't have an anchor.  I need to find a stupid anchor!  It needs to be something I see every single stinking day of my life, otherwise I'll forget about it.  

Start moving your ass more because the last time I checked, thinking about exercise doesn't burn a single friggin calorie.  Driving by the gym on your way home doesn't count as activity.  

a funny for my friends

Courtesy of Jack Sh*t

If you've never read his blog, do yourself a favor and go check it out.  He puts the humor into weight loss, points out our common ignorance, and puts everything into perspective!  

progress update

If you've been a Weight Watcher for any length of time, you remember that at one point they called their plan "Momentum."  I never understood why.  

I do now!  

You see, I'm a numbers based person.  In my life, numbers mean everything!  Numbers like how much money is in my accounts or the numerical value of how much of a chemical is in a sample I'm testing.  You could say that I'm sort of obsessed with numbers.  

So a few weeks back, I decided to explore my eTools page on Weight Watchers.  It tracks my food and keeps track of the number of points that I'm shoveling into my mouth, but it also records my weight every week after I step on that scale at my meeting.  

Let's just say eTools rocks.  You can set it up to only show you points tracking, activity tracking, or weight records for a specific date range!  I had to play around with this feature to truly appreciate how hard I've been working.  

Step 1: I asked eTools to show me results from the last week in 2011 into the first week of 2012, basically my first year back on plan.  This was sort of a disappointing year for me, I spent a lot of time hopping on and off of plan and I spent almost no time exercising.  The results weren't bad, but they weren't all that great either.  In twelve months, I recorded a loss of 11.2 pounds.  Less than one pound per month on average.  Actually it is a loss of 0.93 pounds per month.  Like I said, I like numbers.  

Step 2: Then I started looking at some small life changes.  Like when my mom joined Weight Watchers with me back in the fall of 2011.  She's been on plan with me for approximately six months (I don't remember her exact start date, so I'm estimating) and I managed to lose 8 pounds in that time.  Now that means that my average weight loss jumps up to 1.33 pounds per month since my mother has come into this journey with me!  That's a 40% improvement from 2011, when I was faltering and trying to do it on my own!  Yowsah!  

Now let's look even closer, at some more recent changes.  The last week in 2011, I committed to plan 100% and I started taking control.  At the time of writing this blog post, I am approximately three and a half months into these changes and I've lost a total of 7 pounds.  That is an average loss of 2 pounds per month! It is a 107% improvement from my average weight loss for all of 2011 and it is a 50% improvement from my average over the last 6 months.  

What did I do?  Not a whole lot actually.  I started by attending spin classes twice a week.  It is only about 2 hours of my week, which I manage to fit in, and it makes a big difference in my confidence level.  Then I started taking more control of what I was bringing into my house to eat.  In other words, I became a more careful grocery shopper.  I followed the simple rule that you cannot eat something if you don't have it, and it made a huge difference.  If you don't have healthy food in the house, it is going to prohibit you from making good choices.  If you don't have junk food in the house, it is going to slow you down on bad choices.  

Notice I just said  it will "slow you down on bad choices."  This is because I didn't give up things like going out to dinner.  I can still make bad choices if I go out to dinner with friends and family, but I'm less likely to let them occur.  My mom and I have this saying that we got from a past Weight Watchers leader, "Date the enemy, don't bring him home."  What this means to us is that it is okay to go out to dinner and splurge a little, but you need to leave the bad stuff at the table.  It isn't a huge deal if you split ice cream dessert at a restaurant, but it would be horrible if you brought home a 5 gallon tub of ice cream and started chowing down on it!  Date the ice cream, but don't bring the ice cream home.  

It is for this reason that I don't buy frozen french fries at the grocery store, but I still eat them at a restaurant. I don't keep loads of pre made pizza dough in my fridge any more, but I'm not afraid to buy a cheese pizza at a restaurant.  I have also started (sometimes) asking for a box with my dinner, and in some cases that waitress will box half of my dinner before she even brings it out to me so that I don't have to do it myself.  The reality is that I'm usually satisfied (or even full) after eating half of the dinner, and I can eat the rest of my dinner at a later time.  Saves me money, saves me time, saves me points, what's not to love?  

So there you have it, my numerically motivated and highly personal update!  If you have eTools or another way of tracking, I challenge you to take a look at how you've been doing in the past and present.  It's really eye opening!  

the "F" word

No, not that one!  Get your mind out of the no-no's. 

I'm talking about the word forgiveness.  I struggle with forgiving myself and moving on.  I struggle with it a lot. 

I can forgive just about anyone in my life for any harm or hurt that they've caused me, but I simply can not forgive myself for a single thing.  I think this is a very hard post for me to write, because it is an admission of a large problem in my life.  I am harder on myself than anyone else is. 

I have been this way forever.  As long as I can remember, I have always been extremely hard on myself.  In elementary school, I received a "B" on a test and I actually began crying and hyperventilating.  I had such a problem breathing that they actually had to call my mother to come take me to the doctor, where I was given medicine to calm me down.  I was sedated for getting a "B." 

This behavior continued as I got older.  When I was offered the opportunity to accelerate into a grade higher than I was in, I took it.  My parents didn't make me, I did it by choice.  I went from the fourth grade one year, into the sixth grade the next year. 

In junior high school, I was offered the opportunity to begin taking my high school level math classes, and I took it.  Not only that, I began working as an after school tutor in these math classes.  I was supposed to be in the seventh grade, but I was in the eighth grade, and I was tutoring people in the eleventh grade.  Yah, it was really odd.  I was an odd child. 

I won't get into all of the social ramifications of my decisions, such as being a seventeen year old college freshman in a world of fraternity parties and crazy behavior.  I'll simply tell you that it had some extremely awkward moments, and I survived them. 

Eventually, in college I learned to slow down.  Instead of graduating in four years and being a twenty year old with a college degree, I slowed down.  I worked on campus, I took classes that were fun and had nothing to do with my major, and instead of graduating at twenty one years old, I took an extra quarter of fun classes and graduated at twenty two years old like a normal person. 

Now, I see this behavior slowly start to creep up on me again.  I'm negatively pressuring myself, and I need to stop. 

If I have a bad meal, I feel helpless and anxious.  I do one of two things: I stop eating for the day or I go off the deep end and binge.  Neither of these are healthy behaviors, and it is through tracking everything that I've come to discover that I'm doing this. 

If I have a bad couple of days, I feel myself slipping into a sort of anxious depression.  "What is the scale going to say?"  "Why don't I skip my weigh in this week?"  "What is wrong with me?" 

After a couple of weeks in a plateau, all hell breaks loose in my head and I find myself (figuratively) beating myself up.  I start depriving myself of things because I think that is the reason that I've not been losing weight.  Then after a few days of deprivation, I rebel and I eat way too much. 

Lately, I've been working really hard to forgive myself.  I'm not going make it through this journey if I don't learn how to do it.  I need to allow myself a bad meal, forgive myself and move on.  I need to be alright with the fact that I might have a few days of a "hearty appetite" and simply track it and get over it.  I need to see a plateau for what it is: temporary.

This is what I'm trying to do, this is my daily struggle.  I'm not fighting the scale.  I'm not beating up the food.  I'm not battling exercise.  My own dilemna is within my own head. 

And that, my friends, is what sucks the most. 

"i can't get all the oil out of the tuna"

Every once in a while, something you over hear in a meeting room or read online hits you, and when it does it hits you HARD. 

This happened to me a couple of weeks ago in my meeting room.  We were discussing the upcoming Easter dinners and the struggles that we might encounter, and one of our beloved members, Stephanie, raised her hand with a comment. 

Back story on this woman: She's fabulous in every sense of the word.  She's honest.  She's a New Yorker, and she owns the accent (which I love).  She's funny.  She's open like a book.  I truly am grateful that she's in my meeting. 

So as we discussed all of the problems we might face (hard boiled eggs, chocolates, honey ham, etc), Stephanie pipes up with this amazing note.  She said, "When I joined Weight Watchers for the first time 40 years ago, we had to eat a lot of tuna on the plan and they didn't make water packed tuna, only oil packed.  One woman actually said in the meeting that she wasn't losing any weight because she couldn't squeeze all of the oil out of the tuna!"  

I sat there in sort of a stupor for a moment as I took this in, it didn't seem incredibly far fetched for me, but then Stephanie pointed out the obvious: It isn't one little thing like oil in our lives that prevents us from losing weight. 

BINGO! 

This is the absolute truth. 

It isn't Easter that prevents me from losing weight.  It isn't Christmas or Thanksgiving either!  Now I'm a mathematical person, so bear with me.  If you counted up all of the holidays and birthdays that my family and I celebrate, that means that we celebrate less than 5% of the total year. 

It is the other 95% of the time that is my downfall! 

Skinny people celebrate holidays.  Skinny people celebrate birthdays.  Skinny people indulge. 

But not all the time. 

It isn't necessarily the holidays or celebations that I need to watch out for, it's the rest of the time.  It's the lazy day when I grab pizza.  It's the night I skipped my workout to have some adult beverages with friends.  It's the day I said I'd have two beers, but I never outlined how big that they'd be. 

If I can cut down on those moments of weakness, I will become stronger in the long run. 

final results: monica's birthday challenge

Back in February, one of my Twitter friends decided to host a challenge on her blog.  I've never participated in one of these challenges, so I decided I'd try it out.  

The challenge was in honor of her friend, Monica.  Monica's birthday is April 26th, one day after my father's birthday.  It was to be an eight week challenge (week 0 through 7), and the winner would receive an amazing prize package courtesy of Dacia, the hostess.  

All I had to do was lose weight.  I wasn't even worried about winning, I just wanted to lose weight.  

Here are my results:  

Week 1

Down 0.5 pounds

Down 0.27%

Week 2

Down a total of 2.2 pounds

Down 1.19%

Week 3

Down a total of 3.8 pounds

Down 2.08%

Week 4

Down a total of 3.8 pounds

Down 2.08%

Week 5

Down a total of 3.7 pounds

Down 2.04%

Week 6

Down a total of 4 pounds

Down 2.21%

Week 7

Down a total of 5.8 pounds

Down 3.20%

I know for a fact that I didn't win because during week 6 of the challenge one of our participants was down over 8%.  Eight freaking percent!  That's awesome!  Well, not for me I guess, but still awesome for that person!

To be completely honest, I'm so glad that I chose to do this.  It was constantly in the back of my head, silently motivating me and inspiring me to keep making little changes on my journey.  In a total of eight weeks, I lost nearly six pounds and that was a fairly steady decline for me.  I was proud of the fact that I finished strong and I kept going.  I feel great!

So keep an eye out for a possible challenge coming on my blog!  I like the idea so much that I think I'd really like to host one!

"do you mind sharing?"

At the end of each of our Weight Watchers meetings, we have our celebrations, as I'm sure you all do.  We celebrate our victories both on the scale and off, and my leader is pretty fantastic at making each of the "losers" feel like big winners. 

Scott asks by asking where the honoree is sitting, and follows up with them to make sure it's okay if he shares with everyone what victory we are celebrating today.  I've never heard a person turn Scott down.  I can't even imagine them saying, "No, don't tell everyone how great I'm doing."  It seems silly to me, but he asks us all nevertheless. 

After he shares their victory and we clap and congratulate them, he asks another question: "Do you mind sharing what is working for you?" 

Then the fumbling begins. 

The number one answer each week is TRACKING.  Then the room goes silent and we all nod our heads because we know it works and yet some of us still didn't do it that week. 

Other good answers are ACTIVITY or SUPPORT (a lot of people come in family or co-worker groups), but I feel like a lot of people just say whatever comes to mind at that moment, not really taking the time to think about what really has been working. 

When I had lost over 18 pounds, I realized that I had better start thinking about what I was going to say if Scott ever asked me that question.  You see, my next milestone was going to be a big one: when I saw that scale drop down a few more ounces, I will have lost over 20 pounds and 10% of my body weight.  That's right, I can say that I'm only 90% of the person that I used to be, but 100% improved! 

Then I panicked!  What was actually working for me?  Which aspect of the program was giving me the best results?  Well it wasn't just one thing, I think it was a combination a few things and I had to jot them down so that I'd remember just what they were when I was called upon to celebrate. 

The biggest weight loss aid for me is support.  This can come in many forms, and I've mentioned most of them before but I'll say it again.  My mom and I are Weight Watchers together.  I have a co-worker that is a Weight Watcher.  My boyfriend is very supportive of my choice to change my life.  And finally, Twitter Weight Watchers are incredibly important to my success.  There is an entire network of men and women out there that are Weight Watchers, Lifetime Members, and Weight Watchers Leaders and I rely heavily on their online support each and every single day.  I can talk to them about recipes, points bombs, new products, bad days, good workouts, good health guidelines, and more!  I am so grateful for these Twitter friends, and I'm sure I'll be talking about more and more of them on my blog. 

Next up in my journey was a new mentality I adopted back in December and I'm so glad that I did.  I adopted the mentality that I would try anything once to see if I liked it.  Since adopting this mentality I have had loads of success!  I have discovered things about myself that I would have never known had I shied away from them like I always did!  I tried a spin class and I loved it.  I tried using a heart rate monitor and I loved it.  I tried an alternative for peanut butter suggested to me and I loved it.  Don't get me wrong, there are things I've tried that didn't work for me (ahem, kale chips) but I'm not going to talk too much about them for fear that someone may avoid them because of what I said on my blog.  My advice, try everything one time.  Give it a shot.  At least I know now that my dog loves kale chips. 

Another mental adjustment that has worked for me is my mental reset button.  No, it's not a real thing.  It's just something I have to give myself permission to do so that I can keep on moving and not allow myself to be paralyzed by failure and fear.  Sometimes I have a bad weekend, and I get really upset with myself.  This leads to anger, anger leads to anxiety, and anxiety leads to things like stress eating or extra glasses of wine with dinner.  So here's what I do, I forgive myself for that bad breakfast, or the bad day, or the bad weekend that I may have had and I forget about it.  I don't let it turn into a bad week or a bad month.  I nip it in the butt, I wallow for a split second or maybe I just wallow for the thirty or so minutes I'm in my Weight Watchers meeting.  Then I get up and walk away from it.  Done and done. 

So there you have it.  Three things that work for me on this journey so far.  I know there are more, but these are the faithful friends that have kept me sane so far. 

Well that, and the numbers marching slowly down on the scale. 

answer to the ultimate question of weight loss, dieting, and everything

I have a confession to make to most of you, I'm a bit of a nerd.  On the outside I appear girly and feminine, but in truth I was raised by a Trekkie, my favorite show growin up was the X-Files, and I've read The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy just about as many times as I've read Pride and Prejudice. 

With that being said, I tend to think about life in terms of all of these influences.  First off, Star Trek taught me a lot about being open minded.  If Klingons can ultimately be nice guys, then I should never judge a book by the cover, right? 

Secondly, Trust No One.  No really, I try not to have to rely on people.  It is much easier for me to do things myself. 

And third, Don't Panic.  It's written on the cover of the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy and it's the simple and most amazing advice ever given. 

But then I think back to the answer to "The Ultimate Question" and I get a good laugh. 

42?  That's the answer?  Yah, right. 

In my weight loss journey, there is not one single answer.  Here are some answers I've recenlty come up with: 

Q: What should I eat for lunch?

Eat a salad. 

Q: What should I eat before I go to dinner?

Zero point soup. 

Q: I don't know if I want to go to spin class?

Get up. 

Q: I have an hour to kill, what do I do now?

Go to Target and walk around. 

Q: I've been staring at that cookie for days now, should I eat it?

Eat the damn cookie. 

Q: How do I get rid of late night snack attacks?

Paint your nails.   

And I'm imagining that some of you are all having the same mental conversations, right?  How do those go?  What are you asking yourself?  Are you usually in control of your actions? 

I'm just curious here, I can't be the only one. 

activity review: dusting off my wii & wii fit

I was originally going to just call this post "activity review: wii fit" but then I realized I'd be lying to all of you, and myself.  The truth is that I have had some bad days, just over 1000 of them to be exact.  Let me re-cap.  

Back in 2009, my boyfriend and I decided to move in together.  He was preparing to graduate from college and join me in the working world, so we started looking for apartments.  Whoa, did the Lord have different plans for us.  The places we would have like to live were in the range of about $1500 per month, and when we started to do the math we realized that we could own our own home for that kind of money.  

That's right, we could buy a place to live cheaper than we could rent one.  

So we started looking.  

We made offers.  

And we looked.  

We made more offers.  

And we looked some more.  

This is where it gets ugly for me.  You see, this was all happening at a great time in my life.  I was in the 160 pound range and less than about fifteen pounds away from my goal and becoming a lifetime member at Weight Watchers.  I was eating right, living at home, exercising a lot, and on the road to a great life.  

Then, the stress hit.  I was so worried about finances that I stopped going to Weight Watchers so I could save the extra money every month.  We were house hunting each and every night and weekend, so I stopped meeting friends at the gym and taking classes on my own.  I wasn't happy with my current living situation (living with my parents) so I stopped going home to eat dinner with them and turned to fast food instead.  

Just before all of this, I had bought myself a Wii and my boyfriend had bought me the Wii Fit as a gift.  I apparently set it all up and tested it out a few times, and I will tell you why.  

Fast forward nine months.  We finally moved into our first home.  A two bedroom, one and half bath condo in a gated community and a perfect little yard for me to kill plants in.  It took us nine months and about 30 written offers to find this place, nearly another two months in escrow, and a month of superficial overhaul before we could move in.  Yah, if you did the math, it was nearly an entire year long process.  We started looking for houses in April 2009, we moved into our first home on March 25th, 2010.  

Crap.  

Then we had to put a LOT more work into the house.  

First, we tore apart the kitchen and we lived out of a closet.  Yup, Mike's dorm fridge and a box of pantry items.  Needless to say, we ate out a lot.  

Then we spent our evenings doing things like installing shower curtains (me, not pictured) and new shower heads (courtesy of Big Mike).  

And eventually what you see here, finally became a kitchen again, and someday I'll post pictures of it, but for now, just trust me.  It's better than the crap you see here.  

During that time, I had packed my Wii and Wii Fit away and had forgotten about it.  What a waste of money!  Nearly two years after we moved in, I got it out again, fired it up, stepped on, and it informed me that I had not only neglected it for about 1000 days, I had gained 15 pounds and was now considered obese.  

Thanks Wii, you're telling me like it is.  

The sad part was that I had already lost over fifteen pounds on this round of Weight Watchers before I stepped on the dang thing!  

Then what did my Wii do?  It made my stupid freaking little brown haired avatar on the screen bloat up like a balloon.  A big fat balloon.  

That was horrible.  I felt fat.  My avatar was fat.  At that point I wanted to throw it out the window.  

But I didn't.  I got on it.  I did 10 minutes of advanced step and 10 minutes of various yoga poses.  I earned 2 Activity Points Plus.  

Then I got off of it, exited the Wii Fit program and turned on my Netflix.  I put a couple of workout DVD's in my queue and decided that I wasn't going to be mad.  

After all, it wasn't my Wii's fault that it had to make my avatar fat, right?  

It was myself for making myself fat.  

There, I said it.  I am going to make friend with my Wii and the Wii Fit.  

Anyone have any other suggestions on Wii titles I can use to burn off this pudge?  After all, I wouldn't want that poor little cartoon girl on the screen to stay fat forever.  She deserves a happy, healthy, skinny life and so do I.

weighing in: no matter what

I've heard it over and over again:

When you have a good week, your meeting needs you.  When you have a bad week, you need your meeting.

Well, ain't that the truth.

I usually weigh myself the day before, the morning of, and when I get home from my meeting.  Then I avoid the scale for the rest of the week.  Why?  I have no idea.  

I was reading a friend's blog, Bikini Countdown, and she talked about how she would avoid the scale and tracking all week until the day before her weigh in.  Then she'd avoid eating all day just so she could weigh in at the same or similar weight as the week before.  

I wish I could say that I've never done this, but I have.  I have woken up on a Monday morning after a really bad weekend and panicked about my Tuesday evening weight in, then I avoid food all day only to completely over indulge on Monday evening.  Or I avoid food all day on Monday only to over indulge on Tuesday, just hours before my weigh in.  

None of this is realistic or good behavior!  

How about the Tuesday afternoons that I used to realize that I'd had a bad week or bad weekend, so I was just going to skip my meeting?  That happened a few times also!  The best thing that happened to me that changed this behavior was that my mom joined Weight Watchers with me last fall.  Since that time, we talk every Monday about meeting at our meeting the next day, and we have dinner after our meeting and talk about our week together.  

I have to say, this has really helped us as Weight Watchers, and as a mother-daughter duo.  We're already close, but I'm so proud and happy that she's chosen to join me on this journey (again!).  

So now, I can't skip meetings anymore.  Today, I take the bad with the good.  From here on out, I weigh in weekly even if I know I face a + sign on that tracker.  It isn't about losing every week, after all.  It is all about changing my lifestyle in the long journey that I hope will be my life.  

I'm leaving you with another Zig Ziglar quote, one that happens to be very pertinent to this particular weight lost battle.  

Failure is a detour, not a dead-end street.