looking backwards, moving forwards

I feel like people are always telling me not to dwell on the past or that I need to move on & move up. Yaddah yaddah yaddah...

Sometimes, I think they're full of it. If you don't examine your past actions or behaviors then I truly believe you are doomed to repeat all of your previous failures. I know that this is true of my life, so I want to take a moment to reflect.

In July I hit my 25 pound goal, and it felt great. Not long after that I threw my Weight Watchers tracking out the window because I had something new to focus on: a sprint triathalon. I can honestly say this was one of those wacky things in life that I'll never forget. Training, traveling, triathaloning...it was epic. Yes, I said epic. I had so much fun & support from friends far & wide that it was spectacular.

Now here comes the reflection: I spent three months training for the triathalon & ignoring what I was eating. After that event, I spent the last 3 months in the middle of a home renovation from hell & ignoring my eating & my training. I slacked off. Luckily, I have less than 5 pounds of slacking to account for. I realize it could have been a whole lot worse, but I feel as if the last 6 months were a waste of my time.

Now I've mentioned that I'm not one for New Year's resolutions, so I've started this little journey back to healthy a bit early. I realize though, as I sit on my couch eating the Pioneer Woman's Mac & cheese, that as the last 6 months haven't been successful, they haven't been a total loss. I've learned a few things about myself & I believe I have some people to thank:

1. Weight Watchers has truly given me the tools to continue being healthy, even when I'm not 100% focused.

Truly, I don't keep all the bad stuff in my home anymore thanks to what I've learned and that (if nothing else) saved me from completely losing my marbles.  

2. Eating out is not convenient, healthy, or efficient. 

Having my home in pieces for 3 months showed me that when I'm cooking at home I'm able to multi task & cook several things at once, do laundry, & meal plan for the week ahead of me. 

3. Exercise is not a luxury, it is a necessity in my life. 

I used to think that finding that time was a bonus or a treat, now I see how poorly I feel without it. I'm irritable, tense, & lethargic without some sort of outlet. I cannot live that way for long. The last three months appear to have only reinforced that in my mind. 

4. Loved ones that know you're on a journey towards a healthier lifestyle are priceless. Priceless. Priceless. 

I had to say that word multiple times because it is just so true. Twitter family, they're there when I'm stumped, lost, or feeling alone. Tangible family is there at family gatherings to give me the much needed "are you sure you want to eat that?" look. Friends that may as well be called family are always around to split appetizers at restaurants or join me for running, cycling, & spin classes when I need their support. Not a day goes by when one of you lovely people blessed my life & don't think I didn't notice it!

So there you have it. I'm sure I've learned more than what I just told you while I've been reflecting, but those were the big things. May you have a blessed new year & I hope you have plenty of amazing reflections during this time as well!

i don't f*cking wanna

I have a confession: I'm stuck in "I don't wanna" mode.  

I don't wanna workout.  

I don't wanna eat another apple.  

I don't wanna drink water instead of diet soda.  

Then I wonder why I can't hit that gall darned next goal!  

I can't hit the goal because Pretzel M&M's are quite tasty.  

I can't hit the goal because sleeping in is more fun than workout dvd's.  

I can't hit the goal because beer is delicious.  

I can't hit the goal because I don't wanna try.  

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And so, I'm going to have a little pep talk with myself.  I'm going to ask myself why I am stopping myself and why I care more about snacks than I do my own personal well being.  

I am at that point in my journey where pants are starting to get more and more loose and old clothes are starting to fit again, but I simply cannot stop bringing myself down.  

I'm going to re-focus, re-center, start a new week with a weigh in and I'm going to forgive myself for whatever that number is and I'm going to move the EFF on!  Get over it!  Get over yourself!  Get over your love of junk and get back to the lovely and healthy foods that you know you love!  Skip the beer and wine for a while because they are a mutha fuggin treat, not a right!  

Start listening to your support group and stop listening to your cravings.  

Start asking for help instead of asking for a second serving.  

Find a darn anchor because you weight as much as one!  That's right, I don't have an anchor.  I need to find a stupid anchor!  It needs to be something I see every single stinking day of my life, otherwise I'll forget about it.  

Start moving your ass more because the last time I checked, thinking about exercise doesn't burn a single friggin calorie.  Driving by the gym on your way home doesn't count as activity.