looking backwards, moving forwards

I feel like people are always telling me not to dwell on the past or that I need to move on & move up. Yaddah yaddah yaddah...

Sometimes, I think they're full of it. If you don't examine your past actions or behaviors then I truly believe you are doomed to repeat all of your previous failures. I know that this is true of my life, so I want to take a moment to reflect.

In July I hit my 25 pound goal, and it felt great. Not long after that I threw my Weight Watchers tracking out the window because I had something new to focus on: a sprint triathalon. I can honestly say this was one of those wacky things in life that I'll never forget. Training, traveling, triathaloning...it was epic. Yes, I said epic. I had so much fun & support from friends far & wide that it was spectacular.

Now here comes the reflection: I spent three months training for the triathalon & ignoring what I was eating. After that event, I spent the last 3 months in the middle of a home renovation from hell & ignoring my eating & my training. I slacked off. Luckily, I have less than 5 pounds of slacking to account for. I realize it could have been a whole lot worse, but I feel as if the last 6 months were a waste of my time.

Now I've mentioned that I'm not one for New Year's resolutions, so I've started this little journey back to healthy a bit early. I realize though, as I sit on my couch eating the Pioneer Woman's Mac & cheese, that as the last 6 months haven't been successful, they haven't been a total loss. I've learned a few things about myself & I believe I have some people to thank:

1. Weight Watchers has truly given me the tools to continue being healthy, even when I'm not 100% focused.

Truly, I don't keep all the bad stuff in my home anymore thanks to what I've learned and that (if nothing else) saved me from completely losing my marbles.  

2. Eating out is not convenient, healthy, or efficient. 

Having my home in pieces for 3 months showed me that when I'm cooking at home I'm able to multi task & cook several things at once, do laundry, & meal plan for the week ahead of me. 

3. Exercise is not a luxury, it is a necessity in my life. 

I used to think that finding that time was a bonus or a treat, now I see how poorly I feel without it. I'm irritable, tense, & lethargic without some sort of outlet. I cannot live that way for long. The last three months appear to have only reinforced that in my mind. 

4. Loved ones that know you're on a journey towards a healthier lifestyle are priceless. Priceless. Priceless. 

I had to say that word multiple times because it is just so true. Twitter family, they're there when I'm stumped, lost, or feeling alone. Tangible family is there at family gatherings to give me the much needed "are you sure you want to eat that?" look. Friends that may as well be called family are always around to split appetizers at restaurants or join me for running, cycling, & spin classes when I need their support. Not a day goes by when one of you lovely people blessed my life & don't think I didn't notice it!

So there you have it. I'm sure I've learned more than what I just told you while I've been reflecting, but those were the big things. May you have a blessed new year & I hope you have plenty of amazing reflections during this time as well!

tri update: how i did part 1

I'm back from La Quinta and I'm alive!  Yah, that was a goal of mine.  To survive my first triathalon. 

Mission accomplished. 

This blog has been a long time coming in my mind so I've decided to split it into two segments: physical and emotional.  So now I get to tell you how I did, more specifically how I did physically. 

Let me start by saying that I attended a pre-triathalon meeting with Sally Edwards on Saturday before the big event and I heard women saying things like "It took me three hours to finish my first triathalon last year" and "I walked the entire 5K." 

I knew then that I had to re-adjust my goals, not that I'd really set any goals at that point.  So I started thinking about how I'd been performing and what I should possibly expect from myself: 

I know that lately I had finished 500 meters in a swimming pool in less than 20 minutes.  I decided to be nice to myself, and I gave myself a goal of finishing the swim portion of the event in less than 30 minutes. 

I also know that my cycling at a steady pace with no big inclines has been about 14 miles per hour, but when hills and such are factored in I can drop down to as low as about 10 miles per hour depending on the size of the hill.  I had to complete a total of 14 miles in the race, and there were a few hills that lead out of and back into the race venue, so I gave myself a goal of finishing the cycling portion of the even in less than 90 minutes. 

Finally, I know that lately I've been in the 13 or 14 minutes per mile range when I've been out running.  But I have been running early in the morning when there is no heat and I've only been running about 2.5 miles each time.  Also, I don't always run right after a bike ride.  Sometimes I just run, ya know?  With all that into account, I gave myself a goal of finishing the running portion of the event in less than 45 minutes. 

That puts my grand total for the event at 2 hours and 45 minutes.  That was my goal and I was sticking to it! I had my Polar heart rate monitor as my timer and I was ready to go.   

So here's how things really went down:

I was in the very last group of the day, (orange cap) the mixed ages group.  I had a helluva time putting my swim caps on, since I put my TYR silver swim cap on first, then my goggles, then my race issued orange cap on second.  I fidgeted, I got in the (really warm) water for a bit, and then I stood around looking at all of my friends and family that had come to support me.  NERVES!!!

I went down into the water, I was given a mantra for my race by Sally Edwards which was "WICKED GOOD" for all of my Massachussetts friends!  And then before you know it, we were OFF!!!  I did a beautiful stroke all the way out to the first turn which was about 100 meters and I made the left hand turn. 

From there, something in my mind turned off and my stroke turned choppy and irratic, then I saw my best friend's eyes get big and she flipped over onto her back and did the back stroke.  My head turned to mush and I started alternating between the breast stroke, freestyle, and a back stroke.  About the time I reached the 400 meter marker, I had decided that I had been in the water for what seemed like an eternity and I should have not set a goal of 30 minutes for myself.  It was only the first event and I had seemingly failed myself in my head.   

Then I looked down at my watch and I realized that I had only been in the water for 12 minutes and I needed to shut the eff up!  My mind was playing really mean tricks on me.  I got out of the water (but not before tripping on a huge rock) and trailed my best friend up to the first transition. 

Funny story to insert here. I had swallowed and snorted quite a bit of lake water, so as I tried to make it up to my bike I was coughing and blowing my nose a lot and saying sarcastic things like "Gee, that lake water was delicious!"   Little did I realize that my father, friend's husband, and a professional photographer were all snapping away during this portion of the race.  I can't wait to see the photo of the buckets of snot I was expelling! 

I got up to my towel, pulled my socks on (note to self: wash rocks and dirt off feet first next time) and geared up and we were out of the transition and headed into the cycling portion in less than 20 minutes! 

Booyah transition 1!

Cycling out of the park was really odd because my calves and toes started to cramp during the swim, but as soon as I hit the bike I was able to use the pedals to stretch out my legs and scoot right out of the parking lot.  I climbed a few hills, hit the flat road and settled in to the get my heart rate down a bit.  That's when I noticed that my trip computer on my bike had disconnected and I had no way to monitor my speed or distance. 

Super...

The rest of the ride passed smoothly, a bit too smoothly actually.  I found myself looking around at the amazing desert scenery and often forgetting that I was doing a race!  I really wish I had a camera with me and was coordinated enought to take a photo while riding.  I had to clue myself in every once in a while so that I'd speed up a bit more, but even though I was passed by a few riders, I passed more than my fair share.  Each time I passed I started out by saying "ON THE LEFT" and as I rode by I'd follow up with something like "Great job" because honestly, everyone who was doing this race was great in my book. 

Then I noticed around mile 9 or so that quite a few of the riders that had passed me were the very same riders that I was now passing and I congratulated myself for maintaining such a consistent speed.  That was something I had struggled with in the past, and I was glad I had control over it now.  I had conserved my energy well and was about to head into the park again. 

I had to climb one ugly monster of a hill to enter back into transition number 2, and as I started climbing it I saw my best friend's husband standing at the top of the hill with his camera and cheering me on.  Boy, did I need that.  My legs burned as I huffed and puffed my way up that hill, and as I passed him I said something like "I guess it's a good thing I didn't get off and walk my bike up the hill, right?"  He later told me that about 20% of the riders had walked that hill.  I was glad I didn't. 

As I came around the the bike rack I passed my family and smiled because I was going down hill and it was easy to smile.  Thank heavens they didn't see me at the hill I just climbed.  Those photos are probably hideously ugly. 

Transition 2 was easy.  Bike up.  Dump water in mouth.  Helmet off.  Dumpe water in mouth.  Visor on.  Dump water on head.  Eat 2 energy blocks.  Dump water in mouth.  Leave the transition. 

Take that tranistion 2! 

That's when I passed my best friend's family, and her brother ran along and took photos of me with his iPhone leaving the gate so I knew I had to run for the photo op!  I rounded the corner and my energy left me like air out of a balloon and I had to walk for a bit.  I did a steady walk-run for the first mile and counted the minutes on my watch when I saw the marker: 1:33 to 1:47.  14 minute mile.  Bleh.  Then I sped up for the second mile marker and I saw the greatest thing: 2:00!  A 13 minute mile.  Great! 

The last mile felt like it took forever, but it was really about a 16 minute mile and I rounded the corner to the finish line.  As I approached my best friend, who had already finished, she met me at the sand and ran the last few hundred yards as I entered the last stretch with me and I started to get tears in my eyes. 

I.  Was.  Done. 

I.  Was.  A.  Triathalete. 

I.  Was.  Wicked.  Good. 

So that's my story about how I finished a sprint triathalon in 2 hours and 17 minutes.  That's nearly 30 minutes ahead of my goal and it leaves plenty of room for improvement! 

tri update: reflections

As this blog goes up, I'll probably be lining up for my first race event in my life: an all female sprint triathalon.  

You read that right.  I've never raced in my life.  In fact, I've never even run a 5K.  At least, I haven't until today.  

Today, everything I've thought about myself for my 28 years on this earth is going to shift a little.  Today, every negative word I've spat at myself is going to fade away a little.  Today, my own two legs are going to take me further than I've ever gone before.  They're going to take me approximately 17.4 miles through a series of events, culminating in one single thing that I said I'd never do: running.  

Let's back track, I've been active before, but never like this.  Distance wasn't my thing.  I used to ice skate a few days a week as a kid, I took tons of swimming lessons, I'd follow my dad around on my pink bike with the white basket on the front, and eventually I'd be a cheerleader and take gymnastics classes.  But never have I ever done anything like what I'm about to do.  

I am sure I'll come home and post pictures and tell you all about what it was like, but right now let me tell you about what it means in my head that I'm about to do this.  

It means my scale can take a long walk off a short bridge for a while.  I feel good and I haven't really let the number on that screen get me down in a while.  

It means my size 12's are loose and my size 10's fit right and aren't snug anymore.  It means a medium shirt in most brands will fit me, and I have gotten rid of a number of large and extra large items in my drawers and closets and the only size that has stayed the same has been my shoe size.  

It means that I'm in the home stretch.  I'm about 20 pounds away from that magic number in my head and while I am not worried about getting there or how long it's going to take me, I've got some new tools to help me along the way.  

It means I want to do this again.  True, nothing will be as cool and crazy as this first time, but I've already lined up another event in my mind and I'm anxious to keep training for it even though I've yet to complete this first one.  That sounds absolutely flippin' nuts, but it's the God's honest truth.  

So sit back, enjoy your day, because you know I'm going to be enjoying the heck out of mine.  

"Catch you on the flip side."

-Rocco

Thank you to Fit Bottomed Girls for sending me on this journey with your giveaway.  Thanks to Laura, Mae,  Alejandra, Lisa, Dawn, Kelly, Marisol, Andrea, Dacia and the rest of my twitter family for sending me (in 140 characters or less) all of your support.  Thanks to my friends and family for thinking I'm nuts, loving it, and cheering me on and supporting me as I do this.  But really, really, really thank you to my friend and coach Amanda for smacking some sense into me when I said I wasn't going to do this and she wouldn't let me quit before I'd even started.  Then she wouldn't let me quite after I'd started.  And I'm going to guarantee she won't let me quit ever in life and I love her for it.  

i don't f*cking wanna

I have a confession: I'm stuck in "I don't wanna" mode.  

I don't wanna workout.  

I don't wanna eat another apple.  

I don't wanna drink water instead of diet soda.  

Then I wonder why I can't hit that gall darned next goal!  

I can't hit the goal because Pretzel M&M's are quite tasty.  

I can't hit the goal because sleeping in is more fun than workout dvd's.  

I can't hit the goal because beer is delicious.  

I can't hit the goal because I don't wanna try.  

-

And so, I'm going to have a little pep talk with myself.  I'm going to ask myself why I am stopping myself and why I care more about snacks than I do my own personal well being.  

I am at that point in my journey where pants are starting to get more and more loose and old clothes are starting to fit again, but I simply cannot stop bringing myself down.  

I'm going to re-focus, re-center, start a new week with a weigh in and I'm going to forgive myself for whatever that number is and I'm going to move the EFF on!  Get over it!  Get over yourself!  Get over your love of junk and get back to the lovely and healthy foods that you know you love!  Skip the beer and wine for a while because they are a mutha fuggin treat, not a right!  

Start listening to your support group and stop listening to your cravings.  

Start asking for help instead of asking for a second serving.  

Find a darn anchor because you weight as much as one!  That's right, I don't have an anchor.  I need to find a stupid anchor!  It needs to be something I see every single stinking day of my life, otherwise I'll forget about it.  

Start moving your ass more because the last time I checked, thinking about exercise doesn't burn a single friggin calorie.  Driving by the gym on your way home doesn't count as activity.