Friday, April 20, 2012

yah, that just happened

At several points in my life, I've tried to lose weight.  It's no secret.  I was never the skinny girl growing up, but I stayed as active as I could.  I started gaining weight after high school and started college as a size 13, then I did a doctor monitored weigth loss plan with my mom and went down to a size 7.  After bouncing around and discovering that I really loved beer when I turned 21, I graduated college as a size 13 again. 

Just after college, I joined Weight Watchers for the first time.  I started out around 180 pounds and while I entered into the 160's and started getting fit, I quit before I even hit my 10% goal. 

But before I quit, I started going to the gym again.  I was getting fit and trim, trying out new classes, and even buying myself a couple of personal training sessions!  I was enjoying myself, until a couple of key things happened: 

First, I had a bad encounter at a spin class.  I won't tell you what gym, and I don't remember the instructor's name, but I will share the horror I encountered.  I had lost a bit of weight and I decided to try out my very first spin class.  I was trying to get set up on the bike, the class was extremely full, and the instructor was too busy chatting and setting up his bike for me to get a chance to talk to him.  Believe me, I tried. 

The class started and I began to get my butt kicked.  At one point, I leaned forward and rested my elbows on the handlebars of the spin bike.  I basically doubled over onto the bike in pain.  What happened next was inexcusable and nearly made me cry. 

The instructor turned everyone's attention to me and pointed out my horrible form!  I was mortified.  I was in pain.  I was over it. 

I finished the class, packed up my gear, and didn't try another spin class again for nearly five years. 

If I could find that man today, I'd shove my spin shoe up his ass. 

My next bad experience happened at a different gym where I had purchased five personal training sessions.  I met with my trainer and we worked out once a week for four weeks.  I liked her.  She was a college student, not much younger than me, but knowledgeable and compassionate.  We really got along. 

On the fifth session, when I should be talking about buying more time, I was shocked to find that my trainer was being replaced with a different one.  Why?  Because she didn't have as many clients as my previous trainer and it wasn't fair. 

I was too meek or inexperienced to call bullshit and ask for a manager, and so I continued on with the session.  At the end of the session, she asked me if I'd like to continue trainer with her and purchase more sessions.  I politely said no, I walked out of the gym, and I've never had a personal trainer since then. 

Actually, I've met with one recently and I believe I'm ready to try it again.  This time it will be on my terms, though.  This trainer isn't affiliated with a particular gym.  This trainer isn't a young, stupid, commission based girl.  This trainer is seasoned, a veteran, compassionate, gorgeous, humble, kind, and strong.  Really strong. 

My point with those two stories is this: I'm to blame for getting de-railed on this journey.  I had two bad things happen to me and before you know it, I hated everything about the gym.  I hated classes, I hated trainers, I hated meat heads, I hated Barbie dolls, etc. 

But just because I didn't have to stop, doesn't mean that I'm not going to be hard on fitness professionals right now.  Trainers, instructors, gym managers, I am talking you

It takes a lot of guts for an overweight or obese person to walk into the gym, so you'd better f*cking be polite, alright?  The last thing we want to hear or feel is that you don't want to be there with us.  You think we want to be there?  No, we'd rather be at home in our trusty hole covered yoga pants while eating an entire cheese pizza.  We slid our asses into spandex and showed up, so shut the f*ck up.  I've never once in my life heard a cheese pizza say that it would have to cancel our date because it had something else to do and yoga pants don't judge. 

You're bending us over with fees every month because we might not have the upfront money or simply just the space to house all of the equipment, so try to keep the equipment in good shape for us, would ya?  Nothing is worse than trying to figure out how to work out on a machine that is (a) dirty or (b) broken.  I simply cannot wait for the day that I try to use a machine at the gym, only to find out that something on it is broken as it catapults me out of the seat in front of a bunch of other gym goers.  That's going to be awesome. 

The simple act of hiring a personal trainer is a (giant neon Vegas style) signal to you that we are admitting that we have a problem and we need help, so could you do us a decent human kindness and not act like such a cocky bad ass when you're training us?  We know you look good, that's part of the reason we hired you.  Now stop cock walking down the row of weights and help us look good too. 

We are doing all of these things to better our lives.  We're doing them to increase our health.  We're doing them to feel better about ourselves.  The best thing for you to do is realize that we might just be a sinking ship, and your words are actions might sink us or sail us home.  Trust us, if we are successfull, then you will be successfull too.  What is better advertising than a skinny bitch running around telling everyone that you helped them get that skinny?  Nothing is better.  Nothing. 

So in your face gym industry. 

By the way, this blog was inspired by @CaitPlusAte's guest blog here:  The Role of a Personal Trainer


  1. Awesome post! Thanks for sharing! I am glad you liked Cait's guest post on my blog! It definitely lead to some interesting discussion. :)